Before getting to the meat of the post, I wanted to talk about meeting Emma from ‘Fraidy Cat Eventing. I’m sure many of you have read her post or L’s post on her blog. It was amazing. Tacos and new blogger friends, what more can a girl want? Emma was exactly as I expected from reading her blog. Funny, quirky and sassy. I regret that we only had a couple of hours to talk but hopefully we can get more time next time she is out west.
Now, to the main topic.
I’ve always had issues pushing myself. I am the very definition of lazy and it is extremely easy to allow myself to talk myself out of whatever I need to do. I’ve procrastinated on projects my whole life and allowed myself to be lazy whenever it suited. It’s something I’ve tried to fix on and off. But willpower is something I’m not good at either.
Recently (for the last month or so) I’ve made a real effort to not allow myself to come up with excuses to get out of responsibilities. The biggest areas I’ve been focusing on are exercising, chores and a side project of mine. Riding generally hasn’t been a problem but I’ve been continuing to make sure I go out 5-6 days a week. And I have to say, I’ve been doing pretty well. But I still am stumbling.
I’ve talked about the ab challenge I’ve been doing and I have kept that up. It’s really difficult but I get it done each day, using that time as my break from work in the morning. I’ve also been running more often. Then, after work, I go ride for 50ish minutes. This last week was a tipping point. I pushed my body too much and fell apart when finishing up the ab exercises on Friday. I also couldn’t run the majority of my normal route. My muscles were just exhausted. It was demoralizing and I found it very difficult to tell myself that this is going to happen. I had been running, doing an arm workout, doing a lot of core work and riding a lot this last week. I had been pushing myself to add more abs, push a bit more for the 30 seconds of pushups, run just a bit more this time. I’ve been pushing myself in small bits across many things during my day. And I pushed just a tiny bit too far and it fell apart.
The thing I’m finding difficult to do is to know that line. I need to push myself to improve. No one else is going to do it. I’m not under any deadlines for exercising or chores. No one is going to go tell me to run for 30 minutes. I have to be responsible for keeping myself moving. I can so easily say “Oh, I’m tired today. Let’s just do a little less.” or “I’ll get to those dishes tomorrow”. And suddenly we are a week later and I’ve done nothing. So I can’t see where that stops and my body is actually telling me I’m pushing too hard. I am working toward finding this line but it is extremely hard to do so.
While I am tired, both mentally and physically, I find myself bouncing back and forth between being annoyed with myself and proud of myself. Proud, because I’ve consistently pushed myself in my daily life for a while now. And it had become easier, more default to want myself to push more. That means that my overall mentality was changing to the habit of pushing. Annoyed, because I seriously can’t manage to hold that plank for five more seconds? I really can’t figure out how to just run the same amount I did before? It’s really not that many dishes, why didn’t you do that instead of watch that YouTube video? It’s really easy to beat myself up when I don’t meet every expectation I have for myself. I’ve had a lot more practice giving myself guilt trips so that tends to be my default.
But I’m getting there. It’s a work in progress. I’m going into every day with a list of things to do. I’m getting most of the working out done. Riding almost always happens. Chores are getting better. My project is coming along. I’m getting there. I need a bit more time to stop with the guilt trips on the days I don’t but I think I’m getting that as well.
How about you guys? Are you guilty of being lazy often? Do you find it easy or hard to push yourself to do more each and every day? How do you know your limits?