Nothing has really changed with Scarlet. He seems roughly the same since the quick improvement to his leaning as of Friday after the set back. He’s stiff and wobbles. He loses track of his hind end randomly when we walk and has to scramble to fix it.
But he is walking. And he is still eating and headbutting me for treats. He does his stretches even if he is somewhat resistant to the ones for the hind legs. We’ve got just over a week of sun in the forecast so I’m planning on walking as much as we can to help him with stiffness and building strength.
But this post is more about the people who have been keeping me sane. It’s only been two months of dealing with this and if everything goes well, we’ve got months more. The initial uncertainty was horrible for me. I went through waves of panic and somewhat-okay-but-really-just-dealing almost daily. I cried a lot. I’ve lost Scarlet once before when he was sold the summer before college. I know just how badly losing him will break me. And that terrifies me. I’m not ready (and likely never will be) to lose him again. So my normal emotional control was just gone.
I’d have absolutely collapsed into a pile of goo, tears and panic if my husband hadn’t been here. He’s been amazing with letting me cry and taking care of me. He’s had those hard talks and has even agreed to spend a bit more on trying to fix this than we’d ever talked about for emergency vet bills. He’s been the safe place I’ve needed through this whole experience and I can’t even express what his help has meant to me.
My friends have also been amazing. Karen and L. have listened to a crazy amount of panic ranting texts. They’ve talked me through the various research and treatment I’ve read. They’ve talked me off the panic ledge. And they’ve also added a dose of reality with giving me questions to consider when talking to the vet and questions to ask myself about how far can we go with this. Its incredibly hard to deal with something like this and have no one who really understands horses to talk about this with so they’ve been integral to my sanity.
My new vet has also been amazing. I regret not getting a second opinion immediately. The support I’ve received from her has been nothing but stellar. She’s responded to many emails and looked at many videos that I’ve taken of his movements. She’s even scolded me for castigating myself for making him worse. This last month, even with his setback, has been much easier than the first month because I know I’ve got a professional in my corner who has my back.
Another friend who has helped me is Holly. With Uno being in the stall right next to Scarlet, she’s able to see Scarlet super easily when she goes out to the barn. She always texts me and lets me know that he’s doing well or that she saw this that day. She’s even offered to walk Scarlet when she is out so that he gets some more exercise. I’m probably going to take her up on that. I think he will benefit more from having multiple short walks.
Even my team and coworkers at work have been supporting me. My team allows for a very flexible schedule so that I can potentially show up late from staying at the barn a bit too long. They are okay with me working from home on the bad days. My coworkers ask how my horse is doing and genuinely care about the answer.
And you guys. The blogsphere has been so supportive while I’ve been moaning about what is happening. Hearing people say they are keeping Scarlet in their thoughts matters a lot. Even though it is sometimes hard to make myself do the mental work for posts, it is worth it to update you all and hear back your supportive words.
I’ve had support from so many sides. I know we’ve just started dealing with Scarlet’s neuro issues but the first few months have been bad. You never want to be in a situation where you need the emotional and mental support system that I’ve experienced. But since I am, I cannot begin to describe how much I appreciate it. I’m so grateful to be in the place that I am in my life, with the people I have.