Sometimes you make time, sometimes it is made for you.
Scarlet’s back/neck loosened up a couple of days after my last post so I’ll just have to keep in mind that he might need some bute next year.
Lately, I’ve been listening to a podcast while I’m out at the barn. I was initially just listening while I drove. Then I listened on lazy riding days. Then I was always listening. And while the podcast is amazing and definitely not to blame, I realized I wasn’t coming home with the relaxed feeling that made me addicted to going to the barn.
I stopped listening to the podcasts when I’m at the barn and it’s really helped. With a constant stimulus, my brain wasn’t getting that shut off or solely focused on physical state that really helps me relax and unwind. So I’m going to keep leaving the podcasts in the car and try to focus on my horse and myself instead.
With the rain we’ve had, plus a bit of sun, grass has started to grow. We don’t have grass turnouts or even patches of ground to graze on in SoCal so I want to take advantage of this while it exists. I’m planning on letting Scarlet graze after every ride I can.
I do have more time to do so right now. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to share this on the blog, but it’s really odd to talk about my day on here with avoiding this. It feels weird and I want the blog to feel comfortable and fun to write. I have a lot more time because I lost my job at the end of October. It really really sucks.
Being an adult means having a job so you can support yourself and the things you want to do. I have an extremely expensive hobby. I feel guilty now not being able to contribute directly to the monthly expenses. I feel like I’ve failed at adulting.
I know most of the feelings are temporary and not true, but they are still there. I’ve been applying to jobs. I’ve even had a couple of phone interviews. The market where I’m at is good but the holidays are here which means that hiring is really slow. I know this. It’s all very reasonable and logical. But logic doesn’t get through to the anxiety.
Since I’ve got so much time I’m at the barn earlier and longer than I normally was. I briefly contemplated trying to part lease Scarlet. The money would be useful. But I would go absolutely nuts if I didn’t have him to relax me every day. So I just ride and put in applications.
I’m so grateful that I have a companion who listens to my bitching and gets me out of the house. Scarlet has been my emotional rock so many times when I was young. He still is even when I’m dealing with adult crap instead of angsty teen drama.
I love my horse.
PS – If anyone knows someone who needs a Software Tester for a job in San Diego, Seattle or remote, hit me up! 😉