Pushing Yourself

Pushing myself is the hardest thing. I’m inherently lazy. So trying to accomplish goals is really hard for me. I tend to slingshot in the opposite direction of “productive” as soon as even a little bit of pressure is applied. Lately, I’ve been trying to combat this.

I’ve been pushing myself to make goals and stick with them. I’ve been running three times per week for almost a month now. It’s not much, but I am consistently pushing myself to go out and actually run. It is really hard when I do not want to do anything. And none of that bs “oh you’ll feel better once you do it”. That just doesn’t happen. You don’t feel better when you do it. You feel better later – maybe- when you finally gain the muscle and extra energy working out does.

My running days have been overlapping with my riding days. I ride five to six days a week and run three days. There is literally no way to not have those days overlap. So sometimes I’m tired. And I can’t decide if this is good or bad. It has elements of both.

On Wednesday, I went out to the barn with the intention of riding without my stirrups again. But I was so tired from running (I had pushed myself to run more than I had been doing) that I just couldn’t. So I rode with stirrups. This led to riding with stirrups the whole week rather than keeping with my plan of strengthening myself without stirrups.

All of this ranting basically rounds up to, I need to hold myself to my goals. It’s not enough to just “get out there”. I don’t have lessons right now since I decided not to go back to the one that is at my barn. I need to keep myself focused on improving what I can on my own. Otherwise, Scarlet and I are just riding around in circles. Which is fine, but I do want to improve. I don’t have someone else’s whip at my rear so I guess I need to figure out how to be my own whip.

Friday, I did accomplish a bit while riding. I wanted to try jumping since Friday is normally a day where no one is out but me. Except for this Friday. The day I wanted to jump because the arena is empty. Such is my luck.

There was a mother-daughter pair that got on just as I was about finished with my warm up. I considered not jumping, but it was only two other horses and I’m pretty confident in my ability to steer Scarlet. He does lock on to jumps but not so much that I cannot pull him up if I decide to. So I went ahead and shortened my stirrups. We did a few warm up jumps, which went fine. Scarlet actually listened more to my half-halt and holding him so that he jumped at the jump. I would like to work more on that so that I don’t have to hold as much in the last couple of strides. That or I really need to think hold-hold-hold-big release as I caught him in the mouth a few times.

When I tried to do the lines, they didn’t go as well as I wanted. Scarlet over jumped a cross rail that was set higher than we normally jump but not out of our range. He made an over three-foot jump or something. It completely left me behind so I pulled him out of the line while I resettled. Then we tried cantering in and out but we chipped a bunch. I gave him a walk break and the mom and daughter decided to leave the arena. I think the daughter may have not been comfortable. She didn’t seem comfortable riding her horse. She wasn’t in control of halts and transitions and her voice, whenever I heard it, had that tone of “I’m upset but it’s really that I’m uncomfortable/scared but I’m hiding it” to it. After that, I did a few trot in canter out lines and they went much better. Either Scarlet got his brain on or the other horses were distracting him. Either way, we finished on a good note and ended up cooling out on a small trail loop with some ladies. Scarlet was particularly tired so the trail went very well.

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8 thoughts on “Pushing Yourself

  1. Ughh, this is me. I keep to my goals, but constantly look for ways to make them easier, and no, the running and gym time never really gets enjoyable for me either.

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    • Or I try to rationalize avoiding one day to myself. “Oh you’ve been really good for like 3 weeks, you can take one day off…” and then it turns into a whole week of lazy. 😦

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    • I definitely want to continue lessons, but I don’t see a point when, after ruminating, all I got out of it was hey Scarlet jumps higher than I try with him. Which I knew but I didn’t feel like I could do. There was no critiquing on my position or my riding, which overall is more what I think we need at our level in jumping.

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  2. Good on you for keeping up with running on your riding days as well. It’s tough and especially when it gets hotter, I feel like the weather just saps the energy out of you

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s really easy to just go out when you feel like it. I’m the worst at pushing myself so I’m just trying to get over that. It’s pretty hard to feel like you are winning when its only internal motivations, without any outside ones helping.

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